Making a good conversation…

When we attempt to make a good conversation, what are the things that we think about? Do we try and be humorous? That’s usually quite a pleasant chat. Do we want to have a deep conversation? It great to talk about things in depth.

What really is important though is how you interact with the person, not what just you have to say. Actually, its not just what you have to say but the way you say it and the reasons why you chose those particular words. What is relevant to a conversation is that all those within the conversation are held as being OK as much as you are yourself. This sounds a bit silly but you’ll find that if you take this fact into account when having a conversation, it will go better if you make sure you still to the good guide of ‘I’m OK, you’re OK’. Below is a diagram of this in action…

im ok your ok

When someone takes a one up position, the other person or other people in the conversation are not wanting to be in a one down position and they won’t feel comfortable. The same goes for anyone interacting with others and not taking the importance of the one up or one down position.

These one up/one down positions are very important in ones whole life even from a very young age. If parents have been dominating they will have taken a one up position making the child feel as if they are saying ‘I’m OK (parent) you’re not OK (child), or if a child has been brought up by uncaring or inconsistent parents, although the child doesn’t take the one up position they can feel like ‘I’m OK , You’re not OK as they feel unsafe or vulnerable instead of having the feeling of safety and security around their parents.

The I’m OK, You’re OK model should be kept in mind if you want to have good relationships with others. A mutual respect can be valued more than most other things within a conversation.

At the end of a conversation can you say to yourself…yes I left the conversation feeling OK and I feel that I left the other person feeling OK too? Good, you reached I’m OK, You’re OK.



About Liverpool Therapies

Qualified Psychotherapeutic counsellor. Transactional Analysis/ Integrative Psychotherapy/CBT
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