With stealth I come, I have to creep for otherwise you would see me come and be prepared. You would know it was me, your shield from hurt, your barrier from pain and you would be able to feel the feeling and sort it like any other emotion, like any other feeling.
I come to visit and decide that you should not feel, and I’ll take away not only the painful, but all, all the good feelings that would make you feel better, so, now you are not feeling …good, I am then doing my job, I will save you from feeling the pain by making you numb to everything, I will take feeling away, I am good at my job.
But what if you are with others and doing things and then you might feel? I will take care of that, you can stay in and then you will feel nothing and I am good at my job to protect you from feeling pain so I have you feel nothing. So I have protected you
But what if you got up and dressed in the morning? You may go out and see people! There would be a chance that you may feel something! I will make you feel like you don’t want to wash or dress. That way you won’t go out. Then you will not see people. Then that takes away any opportunity to feel. I am good at my job. There you are, I protected you.
But what are we without feeling, being involved in our surroundings, or in company? ….. When we are depersonalised, fragmented, isolated… just at the time when we need to be personal, whole and part of something. “What do you think about that depression?”
“What are you asking me for? That’s not my department I do one thing, I take away .. I take away company and the ways to get it, I take away feelings and the opportunity to have any, I take away clear thought so that you can’t see what I’m doing, and I take away hope so that you don’t give me any trouble. I do these things because I am good at my job.
Me: So what would happen if I took a tiny step and got up and dressed?
What would happen if I saw my friends now and again if I felt I’d like to try?
What if I allowed myself a little reward for making the effort of doing those things so that I felt a little better about myself?
What if I actually answered a text or two that people sent to me?
Depression: I’ve taken so much time convincing you that people don’t care, I’ve even made you forget that the texts are there
Me: Yes but what then depression… what would you do?
Depression: I’d leave you !