The art of communication

Communication is there for all of us if only we would use it. It is the meaning of all that we see and wish to tell. It is the difference between feeling understood and feeling frustrated or rejected. We play games with people using speech and body language and what we choose to say in those times are the choices of who we are; whether we don’t want to feel vulnerable, or want to feel in control, we are the ones who take the consequences of our communication.

If only we had said what we meant, or said what was the truth, if only we knew that being vulnerable is not all bad and it meant that we were vulnerable in an honest way with the definition as it should be:

exposed to, open to, wide open to, liable to, prone to, prey to,susceptible to, subject to, not above, in danger of, at risk of, at the mercy of, an easy target for, easily affected by; in the firing line;

showing openness, exposed to are not that bad when you are showing someone your true feelings and therefore communicating with honesty

That is when you get the honest communication returned:

Being vulnerable in communication doesn’t mean giving in, it means saying ALL that you mean in a way that is honest and open and brings the true meaning to what you want to say

eg. a person is hurt and is heart broken wants to be loved and wanted


“you cheated on me I never want to see you again”

could choose to say…

“you cheated on me and although I do still love you and really feel the need to be loved and wanted right now, I know in my heart that I don’t trust you anymore and that makes me really sad but I really don’t want to see you anymore”

A person can say things and  not mean them, or say the same things and really mean them.

Does this person talking, want the person to say…”don’t go away, I’m sorry for cheating on you”

or does this person want them to understand that its over and the relationship is gone

Its far clearer with one sentence than the other but as its just a small piece of conversation, its still difficult to really tell if either really properly and fully communicate the meaning of what the person wants right now or for the future. Although one sentence was far scarier for the person who cheated as it seemed to be more likely to be the end than the first sentence which appeared to be more of an outburst; Should the person go away and come back when the ‘dust has settled’?

The words we choose to use matter so much if we mean to be understood.


About Liverpool Therapies

Qualified Psychotherapeutic counsellor. Transactional Analysis/ Integrative Psychotherapy/CBT
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